How to make the first move?

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As we navigate the dating journey, we start with how to get someone’s attention. Next, we’ll discuss how to make the first move. A difficult thing for most. A confidence thing for all.

Making the first move can feel intimidating, whether you’re interested in someone at work, school, or even through an app—the main fears: rejection, awkwardness, or misunderstanding. But in a world where many people are waiting for the other person to make the first move, being bold can set you apart and lead to great connections or lead you to another rejection in front of friends. Scary but easier than perceived.

For the remainder of this newsletter, we’ll discuss why making the first move can be empowering, how to do it with confidence, and why you should take this to every aspect of your life.

Why Making the First Move Matters

Taking the initiative in relationships can be seen as a bold move, but also signals confidence and self-assurance—universally attractive traits.

In my opinion, in today’s dating landscape, gone are the days when one person has to wait for the other to act. By being proactive, you demonstrate a willingness to break through hesitation and uncertainty, something many people admire, such as the person you want to approach.

Key Benefits of Making the First Move:

• Shows Confidence: You ever see animals during mating season? The most confident male gets the prize. Taking the lead communicates that you’re confident and comfortable in your own skin, which is often seen as highly attractive.

• Avoids Missed Opportunities: Or as some might say “calculating your opportunity cost” – If you wait to make the first move, you may miss out on great connections inching you closer to the next step.

How to Make the First Move With Confidence

This to most, is nerve-wracking, but I can assure you, it is not an innate ability. You can learn it. Simple and authentic is the key. Some start-off tips:

• Start Small: Making the first move doesn’t mean going all-in immediately. Start with a look, a compliment, a smile, or a light conversation. This is sales. You are selling yourself. Ask open-ended questions. This can help ease any tension and set a friendly tone. Be careful of friend-zoning. Ask about them 95% of the time.

• Be Direct: Trust me. They know when you’re bullshitting

• Use Humor: A little humor can go a long way in easing awkwardness. With that said, don’t risk an awkward joke. You can make humor by adding to something they said.

• Be Yourself: If they don’t like you for you, NEXT.

Example Approach:

• The early exit – worked all the time – right when the conversation is at its peak, respond, “I’ve been enjoying this, would you want to meet up for drinks sometime?” –You now have left someone at the highest moment only leaving them to want more. A dopaminic high. Thumbs up.

With that said, this is all easy in writing. Most people’s biggest hurdle is not the first move necessarily, but the fear of rejection. Let’s discuss this further:

Overcoming the Fear of Rejection

This is natural but it’s important to remember that rejection is part of the dating process -it’s not as bad as it seems and it happens to anyone. Remember:

• Don’t take it personal

• You are building this confidence as practice for anything

• Resilience is attractive

So let’s say you overcame your fear, you approached, and the conversation seems to be lingering. How to know when to back off.

While making the first move is bold and often pays off, it’s also essential to read the other person’s cues. If they’re not reciprocating interest or seem uncomfortable, it’s important to realize a loss early. Not everyone will be ready to engage in the same way.

Signs to Watch For:

• Short, non-engaging responses: If they’re not giving you much to work with, they most likely arent interested

• Body language cues: If someone is avoiding eye contact, turning away, or giving closed-off body language, hit the road

Remember, the goal is to connect with someone who’s just as interested in you as you are in them.

Making the first move might seem intimidating, but it’s an empowering and confidence-boosting step in the dating process. By being direct, casual, and authentic, you can open up opportunities. Don’t let fear hold you back—embrace the normality of potential rejection. Every experience is a learning experience.

Let me know if there is a topic you want to hear about, types of stories you want to hear, or anything you want to help you. Remember, everything is in confidence and with anonymity.

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Yours Truly,