Watch out for "Textual Chemistry"

Have you ever seen, heard, or had top-notch textual chemistry with someone? This is not, he/she is funny or “cute” or responsive. This is the “I feel like this is the one” type of chemistry. Just from texting. I’ll say it again, just from texting! No or minimal in-personal connection. Just our current society, where people think they are connected textually. Have you ever heard the end of that story when they formally met the person, and it was a complete disaster? Sure you have. So have I. Multiple times.

So the question is, why are people stuck behind their phones? Why does the world revolve around textual communication? Whether it is texting, dating apps, slack, teams, etc., our minds are now bugged to evade in-person communication. Do you remember the days when you had to call someone or go on a date in person without ever getting a feel for who they were via text prior? How did this happen? More importantly, why is this happening?

We won’t go into the realm of social media as a main driver or even an attribute however I believe this is happening because social media has led us to be able to hide. Not hide behind a screen but hide from ourselves. Sure, social media is an avenue to hide however the only reason we’re hiding is because we aren’t confident in ourselves. If we were confident, we would barely need our phones socially.

It is fascinating how many people I see on dating apps and/or texting, speaking for weeks before meeting someone in person. Sure, we now have more access to more verticals and people at one time. But is it worth it? Is it worth hiding who we are?

A friend of mine decided to adapt to the current ways with his own spin. Within the first week of matching with someone on a dating app, he mandated a FaceTime. Now I'm sure you all are thinking he’s a psychopath, but is he? Was he trying to avoid a catfish? Maybe. Knowing him, I knew exactly what he was trying to do. Were they going to hide behind their phones “feeling someone out”, fine. But he’s going to get you face to face somehow so he can see who you are.

Do you know why that’s important? Because who you are should be much more sought after than what you look like. Forget conforming to society. If it doesn’t work out then it doesn’t work out. Plenty of fish in the sea. Sure, there’s initial attraction, but I bet everyone has spoken to, dated, or met someone who wasn’t your highest standards but ended up being one of the coolest people you met. It’s happened to me multiple times.

My friends and I have done the “hottest girl in the bar” thing, we’ve dated models, we swapped them out like it was a dry-cleaning service, and we wouldn’t even give attention to anything other than those standards. Was that a mistake? No, because we had the time of our lives. But, there were things we did to avoid hiding. We got out there. When we got a number or a match, within a few texts we’d ask to meet them, speak on the phone, invite them to the next place we were going, etc. We were confident in us. Not them. You know what that made us in the eyes of the other, unique.

Realistically, hiding didn’t get us anywhere. We were confident in ourselves and when we met someone confident in themselves, that was different. That was the diamond in the rough. That was the one we were attracted to. Someone who didn’t hide. Someone whose confidence thrives to the highest extent of themselves, no matter who they were or what they looked like.

Always remember, confidence is the key to ANYTHING. Stay strong.

Let me know if there is a topic you want to hear about, types of stories you want to hear, or anything you want to help you. Remember, everything is in confidence and with anonymity.

[email protected]

-TCM