When is it time to settle?

Let’s start by discussing what settling means.

Most people think settling means not doing something better than what you have, who you are, or what you want. As in, you getting someone more attractive; you dating someone who is a ‘6’ when you could get an ‘8’; you settling for a job you know you’re better at; you settling for a job you have no passion for; you settling for someone because it’s easier than finding something else; you settling for people not knowing who you are because you are so concerned with what they may think.  

Are all of those things a lack of ambition, are you settling, or do you have all you need to be happy? Can you be happy and settle at the same time? Can you always do better? Is that even healthy?

Here are some perspectives in life from certain types of people you know.

Professional: Throughout the latter part of my young career, I have noticed colleagues settle for jobs they are currently in because its steady, pays well, and doesn’t cause any disruption in their lives. They’ve been in the same jobs for 10+ years and are entirely cool with the life they live. These are individuals who you could easily see higher up at the current or a new company. Individuals you are certain can do better than what they are doing now. People you think might have just given up.

Ill ask again, is that a lack of ambition, are they settling, or do they have all they need to be happy? Can you be happy and settle at the same time?

Personal: Throughout my personal dating life, and now married life, I have been noticing people settle for a variety of reasons. There is laziness and content. There is fulfillment and happiness. There are also Reachers and Settlers. Interesting, but what are Reachers and Settlers? Brief hint, settlers, in this context, are the not reason we celebrate Thanksgiving.

Simply put, Reachers have something higher than what they are. Settlers do not indulge in anything above what they currently have. Have you ever thought about whether you were the Reacher or the Settler? You ever see a friend you think is a ‘5’ but dating an ‘8’? That’s a Reacher. The ‘8’ who is settling for the ‘5’. That’s a Settler. But why does this happen? Why do girls ask for your astrological sign or make you take compatibility tests? Why are the 5’s with the 8’s the most jealous or unconfident? Are Reachers the most unconfident or could that be the Settlers?

Other questions are, why are there Settlers or Reachers? Why can’t a Reacher be perfectly happy with a Settler? Can you be happy and settle at the same time?

Depending on the situation, you can assume saying yes or no to each situation is acceptable but are you doubting yourself? If so, can you take yourself seriously when deciding on that situation?

Most answers can generally lead to a lack of confidence (the basis of this newsletter). If you consider for a second whether you are a Reacher or a Settler, you are lacking confidence. If you are confident all the time, you don’t need to worry about whether you are a Reacher or a Settler or just settling for what you are happy with in life. 

There are a lot of people out there who are feeling the pressure of their friends getting married, having kids, getting a promotion so they do the one thing that oozes a lack of confidence. They settle. They date and marry an ex or the girl they’re currently with because it’s easy. They keep their jobs because they don’t want to do more work to start something new. Essentially, they give up. They don’t have a lack of confidence; they just lose all confidence. They lose the confidence to find the next job, beat someone else out, patiently wait for the next right person, or just break up with someone. Have you ever thought about why the divorce rate is so high?

Next week’s newsletter will go over that topic or potentially how to break up with someone.

Let me know if there is a topic you want to hear about, types of stories you want to hear, or anything you want to help you. Remember, everything is in confidence and with anonymity.

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-TCM