Is being open a weakness?

What is the importance of opening up and the ability to let someone else help you. Some might call it the ability to “peel back the onion”. Some might consider sharing your thoughts or emotions a weakness. Whatever it may be, its important.

Growing up, it was engrained in my core to never let anyone know your weaknesses or emotions. The fact that you need help of any kind makes you a lesser man. Someone can take advantage of you because you are showing your ability to not be able to do something, think a certain way, or act accordingly, professionally or personally. But, let me tell you, what a load of bullshit.

This would make me a hypocrite for the previous decades of my life. I’m too much of a man to let someone else give me their opinion or advice? What the hell was I thinking. I didn’t want women to know I cared. I didn’t want colleagues knowing I couldn’t figure something out. I didn’t want my family to know I’m not the alpha. Ridiculous. You actually have no confidence thinking this way. It is actually more confident to admit you need help. You will be a greater person taking that help to better yourself.

When I first realized this happened was after my first girlfriend in high school. A certain instance that changed my life forever.

After a three-year relationship, where I was more whipped than an animal in a circus, I was broken up with unexpectedly, actually cheated but still diminishing to my confidence overall. I did all the gross chilling whipped antics which makes you cringe. The constant texting. The constant i love you’s, the using my every dime to buy a necklace with a fake jewel, even bike riding over 10 miles just to go to her house in the fear I was going to get yelled at. Anything you could think of.

When i was broken up with, I took a vow to myself to never let a women know that I am not in charge of our situation by letting emotions take over. Never again would I be in a relationship. Never again would I show a woman there was a future. Never again would I let someone else dictate the outcome of anything but myself. For the next 10+ years, I was a savage in the dating field. A “player” as some might call it. I ran through the gambit of intimate experiences to put differently. If I ever felt an emotion of any kind, it was on to the next.

This in turn hindered my ability to ever get help. It was woman after woman, leaving them emotional scarred, abandoned, and most of the time crying/crazy. To add to that, my closest friends were the same way. We were a wolf pack of alpha male testosterone taking on the dating world with no care in the world towards anyone else.

What this did however, was cause a mental block of built up unconscious suffering throughout my life not allowing me to move forward in a relationships. I was not able to share anything. No one could take advantage of me. No one could see my pain. No one could see my weaknesses. And now, as I’m writing this, all I can think about is “what a dumbass”.

Now, i realize, this taught me a valuable lesson. Showing or telling others what’s in your mind is the most confident thing you could do. Think about it. You are so confident in yourself, you are willing to ask others for advice, share your emotions, or vent in general, to better yourself.

This has to be your train of thought moving forward. It is imperative. It is the reason why I started this newsletter. Not to tell you to get therapy or start crying wherever you are, but to show you the most confident people in the world are able to share with the world. Talk to your friends about emotional situations. Speak to a therapist. Talk with your priest. Join a book club. Get one of those apps to get friends. Do whatever you need to do. Be confident that you can always be helped to better yourself. Change you to better you. Stay confident in that and your ability. Remain confident if that’s who you are.

Always remember, confidence is the key to ANYTHING. Stay strong.

Let me know if there is a topic you want to hear about, types of stories you want to hear, or anything you want to help you. Remember, everything is in confidence and with anonymity.

[email protected]

-TCM

PS: apologies to anyone who I affected along the way. 

PSS: It did make me who I am today.