Have you done it in a chair?.......

Chair

When someone makes a move, whether it’s a new city, new job, or new life phase, they have the opportunity to meet new people and listen to new stories. With that, comes the ability to learn what those people have gone through, good and bad, funny or sad. It’s an opportunity for you listen and learn. You learn from people. That’s the whole point of conversation, right? Isn’t that the point of listening to people too?

There is so much you can learn from listening. Listening to anyone. Listening, and I mean truly listening, can be something that you’ll realize is a strange thing. Most people never listen. They are thinking of themselves or thinking of their response. Think about the last time you actually listened. When is the last time you went to dinner or out on a date or even answered a phone call to truly listen to what the other person said.

In a way, you were unconsciously selfish. It’s perfectly fine. We’ve all done it. It’s kind of an insecurity because you want to believe what you believe in or what you thought originally. Not many people can get out of their own heads. Its really a lack of, you guessed it……. Confidence. You are so concerned with what you are thinking, you don’t have the confidence to believe you can learn something from someone else. Let me take you through a recent experience.

I moved to NYC, barely in my apartment, literally sleeping on an air mattress until my furniture got here.  I called up an old friend who took me out to meet his group of friends at a fun, well-known event (happened to be a Brooklyn Nets players rooftop birthday party). Perfect opportunity to meet new people, get my mind off my move, and have a blast. Because of this, I also had the opportunity to do something new. I listened. And I listened all night long. Literally.

I know where your head might be going….”all night long”. And yes I’m going there.

During that great night, I met a great girl and we really hit it off. For all of you out there who think you know where this is going, just LISTEN.

What happens when two people meet on a night, have a blast, and you really hit it off? You guessed it. She ended up back at my place. Late. And we all can guess what happened next.

Well, this time you’re wrong. Yes, we did go back to my place, and yes we both had in our minds what was going to happen next, but it didn’t. We hit it off even more, except that one thing, didn’t happen. We started talking more. Sharing stories, talking about politics, life experiences, even doing crossword puzzles. Believe it or not, I whipped out my guitar like d-bag trying to act like John Mayer.

Next thing I know it was 7AM the next morning, the sun was coming up, and my alarm was ringing to wake up for work. It was a hell of an experience that led me back to her place the next night. Now again, what are we are all thinking? The guy put in work the first night, he is 100% going to get lucky the second night. Wrong again. We spoke all day, all night, telling stories, actually laughing about how we weren’t doing what everyone thought we would be. But we shared intimidate details about what we both would’ve liked to be doing down to what we liked, didn’t like, and funny stories about the weirdest and worst experiences we have ever been in regarding “that topic”.

Now you know what this blog is about. It isn’t meant to be a RomCom (my favorite movie genre, by the way). But it is meant to share stories about how I again, stumbled upon an experience where someone’s lack of confidence altered a situation for someone else moving forward.

In one of many specific stories, the girl I was with, was telling a story about her weirdest/probably worst experience with a guy. This is where the title comes in – “Chair”. Like you, I thought, what the hell could that be. Did you do something in a chair? Did you fall out of chair? Did you break a chair? How weird could a chair be? I was in NYC, so who knows……..here we go.

She ended up with a guy one night, and just like Ruben yelling “50” in “Along Came Polly” (if you haven’t seen it, you should) the guy was about to reach a certain point, and screamed out “CHAIR”, which as you could imagine instantly ended the so-called intimate experience immediately without any chance of continuance. The guy went on explaining that he was trying to last longer, so he was thinking about objects around the room to take his mind off of it. Trust me, I’m still shaking my head wondering what the hell he was thinking, but that’s not the point. Hold on for a second, Bro, you yelled “Chair” in the middle of sex? Did you not think that was going to come off weird.  I’m not going to judge. Things happen. But my god, CHAIR??? Listen, people do weird things all the time. If I told you this was the first weird thing I’d heard, I’d be lying to everyone reading this. Look, I’m not Roz Focker, but all I’m thinking is have some damn confidence, man.

The guy thought he wasn’t going to impress the girl or might not get another opportunity because he was going to get too excited too early, so he made the decision to yell an obscenity. To each their own…I guess.

But on the other hand, WHO CARES! Every guy, I don’t care who you are, has had that happen to him. We are the guys. We have the obligation to perform for a longer period of time no matter how long ago was the last time, and to satisfy your partner. So why care? Have the confidence to get going again. Everyone knows what happens the second, third, fourth time. The only thing you’re thinking about is how to ……

Have the confidence to know that you’ll find out what she likes again. Have the confidence to say, ok that just happened, so what. Round two it is.

Isn’t that the point of confidence? To know inside that no matter what happens: success or failure, that you’ll be able to come out on top again. And now, I’m not even talking about sex. I’m talking about life. Have the confidence to pick yourself up, do it again, and succeed. It doesn’t matter if you’re a “two-pump chump”, as one of my best friends likes to put it. Learn from what you did and do better. Have the confidence to try to be better. Have the confidence to know that no matter what happens, you’re you and you’re going to succeed. Slap yourself on the ass. Get going again.

I’ll end it by saying, just by listening, I had the thrilling opportunity to hear what someone else went through and was then able to share that awesome story, to show you that confidence is everything. Confidence gets you out of any situation. Confidence is something that can turn you screaming “Chair” in the middle of sex, lasting 2 minutes, with no realistic comeback, only to turn it around to flourish. It’s a state of mind and being. Take this into every one of your experiences moving forward. Redemption is possible with confidence.

Thank you to “Chair” guy. Stay confident, my friend.

 -TCM