Divorce - why its happening?

“When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn’t a sign that they don’t understand one another, but a sign that they have, at least, begun to”

Helen Rowland (American Journalist)

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Why not create a post about a controversial but interesting topic? Fair warning, I’m going to get real with you.

To give some credibility my parents have been divorced since I was young. I have five friends under the age of 40 already divorced. I have monthly conversations with someone I know whose relationship is about to end in divorce/separation. Things are getting crazy in this world for a variety of reasons.

Let’s throw out some statistics:

• 43% of first marriages end in divorce

• 60% of second marriages

• 73% of third marriages

• Divorcees are more likely to die earlier than married people

• Couples who live together before marriage are more likely to divorce

• Having friends who are divorced increases your risk of divorce

• 66% of men and 74% of women think their partners should have worked harder on the marriage

• 69% of divorces are initiated by women

• Highest rate of divorce is from 25-39 years of age

Most common reasons:

• Lack of commitment

• Lack of happiness

• Infidelity (60% of divorced couples)

• Incompatibility

• Money issues

There are a few reasons that can intermingle which we can touch on:

1. Lack of commitment/infidelity/lack of happiness

People are getting divorced younger. They are thinking that life can be better off some other way because their friends are saying so or some jerk-off’s Instagram post is a crystal ball to what their world “could” be with the most common reason being “I’m not happy anymore”. A little insight, “I’m not happy anymore” leads to a lack of commitment, infidelity, and lack of happiness. But what does that really mean? Are you not happy with the relationship as a couple or are you not happy with yourself? To me, it’s the latter. You are perceiving the world to be entirely different like a fairy tale so you risk everything? Again, controversial, but are you not that confident in yourself that you choose to alter the life you worked hard for?

2. Having friends who are divorced increases the odds

This is one of the most detrimental aspects again stemming from the false sense of reality. Negativity breeds negativity. You speak with others who are actively managing to bring you their downfalls so you have to suffer also? What the hell is going on?

To me, it’s about what our world has come to – the false sense of reality. Does that come from social media? Absolutely! Does this come from some ridiculous life coach that people seek out to try to be happier? Absolutely. FYI - life coaching is not a medical profession or a psychological degree. It’s a 30-minute certification you can take online. You are essentially talking to a third party you met at a coffee shop. People think their lives should be what others perceive as happy or the happiest life they can live.

A close friend of mine came home one day recently to his wife stating she wants a divorce completely out of the blue. My friend was distraught. Lost all sense of hope. Realized he was losing the person he thought was his life partner to something that was simply an unhappiness in oneself rather than having the confidence to make things better through a variety of verticals.

Is that partially on him? Sure, but is that also on the partner for not coming to the reality that it might be on them for feeling this way? Why should a relationship suffer if one person sees this false sense of reality with no confidence to change? Why should someone end a family for not being happy with themselves? Some advice - fix yourself first.

Could it be that they have a lack of confidence in overcoming adversity to make themselves happy or coming up with ways to take what is making them unhappy and then change to something else to benefit themselves therefore becoming happier?

I am dumbfounded by the lack of commitment and confidence people have to make themselves better to make something work. That pertains to anything in life. Are you that unconfident in yourself? You can’t make any changes in yourself to make something work?

For the love of god, have confidence in yourself and your relationship for that matter. This speaks mounds on your character. What else are you going to give up on?

In short, the world is changing. People are exposed to false euphorias. Regardless of what you are going through in life, do not give up on yourself. Confidence is key. We are finally coming to a place where the divorce rate is coming down. People are sacrificing to make things work. People are realizing how to make themselves happy with more resources in this world than ever. I hope it continues because people are finding ways to make themselves happier and more confident. You can do the same.

Comment in the comment button above. Let me know if there is a topic you want to hear about, types of stories you want to hear, or anything you want to help you. Remember, everything is in confidence and with anonymity.

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Yours Truly,