What constitutes a "Swipe Right"?

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Let me start by telling a story about a date in NYC.

Woke up. Opened Hinge. A dating app match. Millisecond swipe right.  Instant DM. Immediate connection. Everything about this woman was attractive. The eyes, hair, smile, humorous answers to profile prompts. It got my initial attraction. We FaceTimed a couple of times. Ready to meet.

I invited her to a bar (Dante’s on Hudson, NYC). Everything was going well. Went early to swig down one bourbon before she got there. Chatted up the bartender who was a good friend to vibe up the place. On par with the other five dates I had that week. Then, I looked out the window. I saw the hair, eyes, smile, and face of the girl walking just above the window shades opening the front door. Smirk turns into a smile. Heart naturally beats a bit faster. Door starts to open. Love at first sight?…..Wrong

A jaw-dropping, first-prize winning, top-of-the-podium catfish. Everything did deserve a swipe right. Everything from the neck up. I’m shocked she didn’t leave with the look on my face. As a gentleman, we continued the date without any indication of the ghost she was going to get (btw - the first and only time I’ve ever done that). She ordered a top-shelf drink she saw on Instagram earlier, I paid the hefty date bill, and two hours later, parted ways with the promise of texting her later then headed to meet friends out which I set up as she went to the bathroom earlier in the date. What a shame.

Crazy to think my instinctual and quick-released swipe right, turned into this. The story, however, got me thinking. What constitutes swiping right and why?

We might immediately think of dating apps. It is now a term to signify the liking of something or someone. The yes or no of attraction. If you think someone is attractive, swipe right. You pass it up, swipe left. Pretty simple. But what makes someone “swipe right”? 

Remember, “swiping right” is strictly a first-sight attraction. No conversations, no across-the-room eye flirting, no waves, winks, etc. You are looking at someone and within seconds or a scroll through a profile, you are saying yes, they are attractive (swiping right), or no, they aren’t attractive (swiping left).

But what is attractiveness and the psyche behind it?

Attractiveness is the quality of being pleasing, charming, or alluring, especially in appearance. We can’t take into effect the pleasing or charming qualities based on our rule above so what are the different ways one can be alluring? Is it little clothing? Is it the right eyes? Is it the smile? Is it the puppy in their hand? Is it the one picture of the one time they were on a yacht in Greece with a skimpy bikini and the filter to change the ocean twice as blue as it is?

The psyche behind this: Why do we like an initial physical instant attraction?  

Answer; a variety of reasons. It’s enjoyable to be around. It boosts your ego and your perceived self-image. It raises your social status. It subjects you (at least in our minds) to better things, better people, better places, better networks. It makes you look more altruistic and possibly intelligent than your less attractive counterparts. You get more attention in life. You naturally get more confidence. It’s in our DNA. It’s evolution. Watch Animal Planet. The most attractive animals get the attention then mate. Period.

Every person knows or has thought of what it feels like to bring the hottest girl to the party or think you’re the most attractive couple. It is who we are.

So, when scanning apps or in person, do we “swipe right” because of strictly physicality, or are we doing it because we see our better selves with that person? Is it going to boost your confidence? Can attractiveness be manipulated?

Physical and instant attractiveness is the only reason you initially want to be with someone. You cannot see someone from across a restaurant and know what they do, who they are, if they have a rich dad, whether they’re funny, or completely bottom-heavy under the table. You can’t do this off apps either. Instead, should we start thinking about how to know someone more or is it in our DNA to naturally be attracted to people and things more attractive than we possibly are or to match the level we are/think we’re at?

Does that get you thinking?

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-TCM