How to approach someone?

The quote above must resonate with most people regardless of whether they think it is about relationships, careers, purchasing something, etc. Matt Damon makes it seem like it’s only twenty seconds but in the moment, it really feels like its an hour. Twenty seconds is not a metaphor. Twenty seconds is twenty seconds. It’s quick. Twenty seconds to make a good impression. Twenty seconds to get confident. Twenty seconds to give the best line you’ve ever come up with.

It’s something you shouldn’t care about because it’s so short. If it didn’t work, it’s not worth your time to continue thinking about. Move on to the next opportunity but be confident in every twenty seconds you get. The more confident you are, the easy it gets and more successful you are at approaching anything in life.

Because you have twenty seconds to impress, very similar to the Lemon Law in a previous post ”The Coffee Date”, you must be efficient. You must know what to say to get someone’s attention. You must be confident. You have minimal time to be at your best. Do you come up with a unique pick-up line? Do you compliment their appearance? Do you stand there and say nothing? I’ve seen it all. 

Let’s first address, why we are approaching?

We are approaching someone because we have an interest or want whether that be in attractiveness, an interesting topic, an object, etc. We are approaching to get something. We are approaching because we want that something. An item, a chance at a date, a business deal, an impression. We want it. We may not even know why we want it, but we know we want it.

Secondly, who are we approaching?

You are approaching someone of interest. When you approach someone they prepare for you mentally. Two things usually happen: (1) They get cocky/confident (2) They get nervous.

Now you may know an angle to approach or what they’re about.

Now that you have that, let’s talk about how? How do we approach?

First, check out these stats: 

According to a tweet by Chris Williamson, 77% of women in the age 18–30 group say they wish they were approached more. Additionally, another source says that 86% of women want men to make the first move.

For men ages 18–25

• 45% of young men in this age group have never approached a woman in person

• 27% said it's been more than a year

• Majority of single men surveyed said fear of rejection and fear of social consequences were leading causes

Ages 25-30

• 55% of single men in this age group say they haven't approached a woman in the last year

A group of guys I know, they call themselves The Wolfpack, have a system down to a science. Very similar to a pack of wolves, they surround what they want (mentally not physically). Each one with a different approach. There’s the aggressive one, going straight to the “do you want to come home with me”. There’s the empathetic one who pretends to care that she works at the vet. There’s the quiet one that lets her talk about her ex just to find the angle. Then there’s the one that intentionally waits for everyone to have their shot, then swoops in like a gentleman. All approaches done with precision. All done by playing the odds knowing that 55% of every guy in that bar wont even try to approach. Truthfully, they are just confident.

My friend and I would play a very successful good cop bad cop due to the psychology of why it works (disclaimer: I’m not a psychologist). One person does something one way, with the recipient immediately thinking how bad it was. The next guy or “good cop” comes in with the opposite or a solution to their problem. Chemicals rush to the brain making the recipient instantly interested. Piece of cake.

With that said, there’s an interesting rebuttal, is it better to not approach? Well that entirely depends on how confident you are too. Are you willing to sacrifice the volume? Do you want to play the odds? Are you even approachable?

The answer is to be confident in yourself. Without knowing an exact number based on data, I can tell you from experience, if you are confident in how you are, what you look like, what you say, etc., you will be much more successful at approaching anything.

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-TCM